My Trials

Written by: Mary “MJ”

****I BEGAN USING COCAINE IN NEW YORK IN 1986 AND I BELIEVE THAT I WAS ADDICTED FROM MY FIRST ‘HIT’. I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO MY HOMELAND, ANTIGUA, IN 1987 AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED A BUSINESS. I DID VERY WELL BETWEEN 1987-1990, BUSINESS WISE. HOWEVER, COCAINE GIVES ONE GRANDIOUS IDEAS AND PUT’S ONE INTO A FANTASY WORLD AND I TRIED TO PROMOTE A GROUP FROM JAMAICA WITHOUT DOING ANY FEASIBILTY STUDY AND IT WAS FINANCIALLY DISASTROUS. SOON AFTER I SUNK INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION AND LOST EVERYTHING. I CONTINUED USING COCAINE PERIODICALLY, BETWEEN 1990-1995. MY YOUNGER BROTHER BOUGHT ME INTO THE BUSINESS WHICH HE RESUMED AND I DID WELL FOR A SHORT TIME. I GOT MARRIED IN THAT PERIOD BUT THE MARRIAGE WAS SHORT-LIVED. I WENT TO ERIC CLAPTON’S REHAB IN ANTIGUA IN 1998 AND RELAPSED AFER 6 MONTHS. I WAS RE-ADMITTED IN 2002 AND RELAPSED 8 MONTHS LATER.
IN JUNE 2003 I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. I WAS SICK AND TRIED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED. I DID NOT WANT TO CONTINUE LIVING WITH THE DISGRACE I MADE OF MY LIFE AND MYSELF AND I DRANK A BOTTLE OF HAVOLINE CAR ENGINE COOLANT. I WAS IN A COMA FOR A FEW DAYS. MY KIDNEY’S WAS AFFECTED, WHERE MY BODY WAS SWELLING. THE DOCTORS TOLD ME THAT I WAS CLINICALLY DEAD AND THE CATHOLIC PRIEST GAVE ME LAST RIGHTS. I SPENT 1 MONTH IN THE INTENSIVE CARE UNIT. I USED COCAINE AGAIN SOON AFTER MY DISCARGE FROM THE HOSPITAL AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME I DID NOT CONSUME AS MUCH POISON AS I DID THE FIRST TIME AND I SPENT 10 DAYS IN THE ICU. I THEN WENT TO ‘CROSSROADS’ FOR A THIRD TIME AND I HAVE BEEN CLEAN AND SOBER SINCE OCTOBER 21ST 2003.

THERE IS NO DOBUT IN MY MIND THAT IT WAS A MIRACLE AND GOD SAVED MY LIFE, NOT ONLY FROM THE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS BUT FROM THE NUMEROUS NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES I HAD DURING MY 18 YEARS OF ADDICTION. ONE EARLY MORNING I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND GAVE THE DOCTOR AN IDEA ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF COCAINE/CRACK/ALCOHOL, MARIJUANA/ AND VALIUM I HAD IN MY SYSTEM AND HE ASKED “AND YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?”.
I BELIEVE THAT GOD SAVED MY LIFE FOR A REASON. I BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME AND AS I CONTINUE TO FOLLOW HIS LEAD, I AM THANKFUL FOR MY DEAR FRIENDS JONATHAN AND JULIETTE AMBROSE WHO HAVE BEEN A TREMENDOUS SOURCE OF INSPIRATION TO ME.

GOD IS GOOD EVERYTIME.